dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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