The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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