if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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