Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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