YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
