He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
