You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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