I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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