Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
