Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
