So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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