foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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