All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
