He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
