You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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