could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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