'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
