Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
