my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Randomize
