he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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