I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
ttyl tear gas
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
