watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
