i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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