so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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