you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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