wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
