Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
People with herpes should wear stickers.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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