it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
