Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
