So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
