saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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