make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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