On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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