Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
