At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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