So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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