ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
