i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
