i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
