God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
