My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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