sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
