I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
