meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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