I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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