and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
