doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
