so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
