I accidentally had phone sex last night
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
