You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
