his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Two words: blizzard sex
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
