I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Randomize
