My nipple is on Facebook.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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